A Winters Sleep

No longer obscured by her tresses of green, she lays under a blanket of white, where the barebones of winter offer up a panoramic view of her surroundings,
Early reminders of springs procreation come into view, and the tender buds and shoots tentatively peer out of slumber and the chilled whispers of new birth anticipate it’s coming.
As the Earth shakes off her icing sugar layer of hoarfrost, and the sun wipes the sleep from her eyes, The Robin sings his Strong and passionate territorial differendum to the wood.
Crows caw and wood pigeons coo as the wood awakens to its energetic search for life giving energy.
This is morning. This is a winters morning. Cold but filled with anticipation of warmth and rebirth.
As I stand at my window and watch my breath billow and tumble towards it’s evaporation on the glass, I welcome the need for winters chill and look through the woods skeletal phalanx in recognition of nature and her need for Sopor.
Sleep well my sweet chilled spirit and stir ye not till springs warm fingers wipe the frost off your brow.
Chris O’Malley.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: South Wales U.K

Favorite Poets: Dylan Thomas is my true inspiration. His observations and his depiction of people are amusing and true to the culture of Wales. , Dafydd ap Gwilym is regarded as one of the leading Welsh poets and amongst the great poets of Europe in the Middle Ages. Again his poetry never grows old and his depiction of life at those times lives on today., Ocean Vuong, the beautiful language of this Vietnamese-American poet Ocean is evoking and spiritual. He explores his family history, the effects of war and the complexities of love. I believe that Vuong’s “Night Sky with Exit Wounds” is a great place to start for anyone who wants to start reading poetry.

Comments

neopoet

1 year 6 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "A Winters Sleep" by Chris O’Malley is a vivid exploration of the transition between winter and spring. The poem uses rich, descriptive language to create a detailed and immersive picture of the natural world. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.

Firstly, the poem would benefit from a more consistent use of punctuation. The lack of commas in some sentences makes the poem difficult to read and disrupts the flow of the narrative. For example, in the line "As the Earth shakes off her icing sugar layer of hoarfrost and the sun wipes the sleep from her eyes," a comma after "hoarfrost" would help to separate the two distinct actions being described.

Secondly, the poem could be improved by varying the sentence structure. The majority of the sentences in the poem are complex, with multiple clauses. This can make the poem feel dense and difficult to follow. By incorporating a mix of short and long sentences, the poem could be made more dynamic and engaging.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from a clearer thematic focus. While the poem does explore the theme of nature's cycle, this theme could be developed in a more nuanced and detailed way. For example, the poem could delve deeper into the contrast between the cold of winter and the warmth of spring, or the tension between sleep and awakening.

In conclusion, while "A Winters Sleep" is a richly descriptive poem, it could be improved by a more consistent use of punctuation, a varied sentence structure, and a clearer thematic focus.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

1 year 6 months ago

I liked this...

My only complaint is the fact that the lines were so spread out, like a book.
I would rather have had them shorter and more like a poem form.
Maybe in lines of four or five even. Other than that, very nicely done. ~ Geezer.
.

Candlewitch

1 year 6 months ago

I agree...

with Geezer's assessment of your poem. I too, like it very much but would prefer another presentation. I think it would flow better an be easier on the eyes.

*hugs, Cat

Chris OMalley

1 year 6 months ago

A Winters Sleep

I have looked at the content and i have shuffled some of it. I understand what you are saying about the flow i hope this first edit appears more readable.