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Jul 23, 2021
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Wishful Thinking... [Spreading Wings]
Born To Be Wild
I float upon stormy seas
Forever in my youth
Can't bring me to my knees
I'll ride the blustered winds
All my care-free days
Don't think of me a fool
I won't ever change my ways
I'll tame the ways of age
Figure out the road
Keep on jumping all around
Like Spring's hoppy-toad
So, don't tell me to "Go slower"
I just won't comply
If I say I will, my friend
Just take it for a lie
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
scribbler
3 years 11 months ago
Yep
We keep telling ourselves that age won't slow us down but our bodies say otherwise lol
Obadiah Grey
3 years 11 months ago
With you ALL the way bro!
With you ALL the way bro!
Well- 'till its time to empty the bag!
Obi.
(oh, I like the poem, the format, *ahem* and the length! )
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
I'm glad...
that you liked it! I assume you mean the body-bag?
~ Geez.
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Triskelion
3 years 11 months ago
Stormy seas...
makes strong sailors.....not sure what makes toads hoppy, so I'll let that be. Your title suits and is moderately intriguing as is the main body.. Your last stanza could do with a bit of work on the meter, but you likely know that already.
Thomas
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
Not sure of...
what you mean by the meter being out of whack, but I tried to fix it anyhow. ~ Geez.
.
Arrow
3 years 11 months ago
Rebellious
This has a kind of in-your-face, who cares what you think attitude so line 5 strikes me as a little subdued. I feel like the narrator is more likely to call the reader a fool. I agree with Thomas about the last stanza. A quote might tighten it up: Don't tell me, "Go slower!"
Geezer
3 years 11 months ago
Line five?...
I would think that riding the 'blustered winds' would be tantamount to riding a wild bronco. ~ Geez.
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