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Jul 06, 2025
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A witch...Bewitched
A Witchy Kind Of Love
Eyes so wide and deep
I dove into them like pools
my head tried to remind me
this was a game for fools...
This much patched heart
overriding all common senses
I barely breathed your name
whilst letting go past offenses.
Now, some forty years later
having kissed beneath the skies.
just one look and I am lost again
within your wood-smoke eyes...
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem explores the enduring nature of love through the lens of enchantment and memory. The structure consists of three quatrains with an ABXB rhyme scheme, creating a loose but discernible musicality. The use of imagery—particularly "eyes so wide and deep," "wood-smoke eyes," and "kissed beneath the skies"—evokes a sense of intimacy and nostalgia. The metaphor of diving into eyes as "pools" effectively conveys emotional vulnerability.
There is a noticeable shift from the initial infatuation ("a game for fools") to the persistence of feeling across decades ("some forty years later"), which adds depth and a sense of time’s passage. The phrase "much patched heart" is evocative, suggesting both resilience and past hurt, though the syntax could be clarified for smoother reading. The line "I barely breathed your name / whilst letting go past offenses" succinctly captures the process of forgiveness and renewal in long-term relationships.
The poem’s tone is consistent, blending wistfulness with warmth. However, the rhyme in the first stanza ("deep" / "fools") is slant, which may disrupt the musical expectation set by the subsequent stanzas. The phrase "wood-smoke eyes" is striking but could benefit from further sensory detail or context to enhance its emotional resonance.
Overall, the poem’s strengths lie in its emotional clarity and use of romantic imagery. Greater attention to syntactic clarity and consistent rhyme could strengthen the piece further.
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Unca Fez
2 months 3 weeks ago
Actually, It's 44 Years
Forty-four years ago, both of us had determined that the remainder of our lives would be alone. Of course, the universe despises such certainty, so, at an afterwork baseball game, complete with beer keg, our paths crossed and have been entangled ever since. Her eyes aren't woodsmoke, but I get lost, none the less.
Candlewitch
2 months 3 weeks ago
That is so sweet!
I think our two motorcycles were in love, too! Seriously now, our years together have been the best of my life... we have survived each other!
much love, your Cat
Geezer
2 months 3 weeks ago
Wendy and I...
felt much the same way, when we met. It was supposed to be a one-date thing, as I wasn't going to be here that long. Here we are some forty years later! Funny, how the fates seem to take great delight in making fools of us, huh? Nice story, and I have never heard the term before, but I love the description of [woodsmoke-eyes]. I know that exact color, having watched many a campfire. Nice. ~ Geez.
.
Candlewitch
2 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Sir Gee,
Ours was an unofficial blind date. I was invited to go watch a Softball game. Or rather a beer-ball game! I drove my bike to the park,, following my friend and lab partner, Reann. We both found a patch of shade from which to relax and watch the game. settling down with a beer in hand we laughed about the players antics. I saw Steven in center field and I just knew that we would be very close. He invited me to his House Warming party the next weekend. Later...
We honeymooned driving our motorcycles on a camping trip to Canada. it was memorable, lol! Thanks for reading and your most welcome comment!
love ya, Cat
Clentin
2 months 3 weeks ago
Loved your poem. I am…
Loved your poem. I am interested in " wood smoked eyes".
Why this particular title?
Have a happy life 40+! After my 57 I hope hope love will remain alive!
Candlewitch
2 months 2 weeks ago
Wood-smoke Eyes... dear Clentin
Steven has such lovely eyes. They are not brown or gray, but a nice blending of the two colors... I get lost in them... thank you for reading my poem and commenting. So nice of you!
*hugs, Cat
Ruby Lord
2 months 2 weeks ago
Hey Cat, this last line, …
Hey Cat, this last line, "within your wood-smoke eyes..." Oh how great that sounds in my head and I wish I had wrote that line. It's one of those lines I won't forget. It gave me the feeling of being held. Very tactile and fitting for a couple who are clearly much in love, although I think your Steven has been in love with you for longer? 44 years to be exact. That made me laugh. Ruby, well done xxx
Candlewitch
2 months 2 weeks ago
Dear Ruby,
For me, it was "Love at first sight" One look at him and I knew that we belonged together! Thank you for reading this poem and for your kind comments!
much love, Cat
Clentin
2 months 1 week ago
The poem conveys a great…
The poem conveys a great story! It is amazing how we met our now mates.
I went to a dance, was introduced to my now wife 57 years ago!
What is meant to be will be!
Liked your poem very much!