scribbler

Jan 25, 2021 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

WITHIN OLD EYES

On the cusp between child and puberty
I'd sit listening to my grandpa talk
on his shaded porch just him and me;
all around chickens would peck and walk.

And I'd watch his old eyes too
as he told tales of his long life.
It seemed in his stories he could view
times long gone , his departed wife.

Then like a flash grandpa was gone
his gravely voice no longer heard.
Those eyes I used to focus on
departed like his final word.

As teen years turned into manhood
and my father became a friend,
often times he'd seem to brood.
Did he see his approaching end?

Or was he also looking to his past
when he could roam for miles and days,
those years which had passed far too fast.
Was it memories which made his eyes glaze?

Now at seven years and three score
I peer into old eyes once more
eyes which see what went before.
They gaze back at me from a mirror.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

Favorite Poets: Frost, Burns, Longfellow, Poe, and Johnson. I guess you've noticed these are all past masters. Other than folks on site I don't read any contemporary poets .

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

Hmmmm

getting too predictable huh? I might have to write something totally unpredictable lol

Geezer

4 years 5 months ago

that last line, not being in rhyme. You know, I felt this poem deeply, as I do most of your work, but this one hits home pretty hard. I have had occasion lately to see myself as others probably do; [damned video-chats]! Like seeing a stranger! I guess we hold a different image of ourselves in our minds, huh? I guess I will cover all the mirrors in the house and keep my peace of mind. I too, enjoyed the progression of son to father and grandfather. I never had a living grandfather, so the only images I have are a few old photos and memories of my grandmother's memories. Children, take heed; listen to those tales of the old days and the impact of how they affected your father and in turn, you. Great stuff!
~ Geez.
.

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

Ok

Say before then say mirror out loud and tell me they don't rhyme lol.

Rula

4 years 5 months ago

Hello Stan

you needed to rhyme "mirror" with "more".
Great stuff though! As Gee says, I can forgive you for the half_rhyme in that line

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

Hi Rula

Maybe it's an accent thing but whether or not it was done to get the message across. As was the change in rhyme scheme which is what I expected to be pointed out lol. Always good to see you......stan

Geezer

4 years 5 months ago

My mistake...

you are right, I didn't read it out loud and that's why it didn't seem right. Joke's on me. ~ Geez.
.

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

actually When I first wrote this I thought to myself that this

did't rhyme and I had to do something about that. It took a half day before I read it out loud and discovered it already did lol. My pen was smarter than me

chima ononogbu

4 years 5 months ago

So nice

This reminds me of my teenage years when I had to listen to my grandmother tell stories about my grandfather's youth and many events that took place in the earliest
part of 20th century. The stories were so real that I felt as though I was part of the entire experiences my grandmother narrated chronologically. In truth, nothing feels as good and fulfilling as hearing firsthand about the lives of one's forbears. Thanks for the poem.

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

Hi chima

Yeah it's sad thing that so many young people these days attach no value to their elders' oral history. Thanks for the visit

Lavender

4 years 5 months ago

Within Old Eyes

Hi, Stan,
Quite the masterpiece, here. You have a beautiful poem, but most of all you've captured the sentiment and emotions to the circle of life. So well done.
Thank you,
L

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

Thank you

Hardly a masterpiece but thanks for saying so. Always good to have you drop in

Asche Keegan

4 years 5 months ago

Dear Stan,

My heart is bleeding -- absolutely breathtaking. The transition of perspective, the last two stanzas, the story, the rhyme...everything about this poem is spot on and creates a beautiful poem. Amazing job as always.

scribbler

4 years 5 months ago

Hi

So I can assume you liked this scribble? lol. Thanks for your kind words