Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

redbaronj
redbaronj
Feb 18, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Wolf

The Wolf

Standing still…
ears cocked forward
listening watching anticipating.
Large head teeth mane.
Powerful beautiful.
Creeping forward determination.
Eyes locked.
Legs moving in silence
holding up a lean body.
Grey white camouflage.
Unseen unheard in motion.
Almost there…
discovered!
Rapid heartbeat
chasing overcoming it’s prey.
Silence...
Grey white red.

By: Sharon Jones

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I have intentionally spaced the words to show caution as the wolf slowly creeps toward it's prey.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Idaho, USA

More from this author

Comments

Rula

Rula

11 years 4 months ago

that's really good

Sharon. I could see the wolf and its prey.
I thought you need to add some come commas, especially line 3 and the last line.

redbaronj

redbaronj

11 years 4 months ago

Commas

Rula, I intentionally left out commas to slow the poem down. However, there is supposed to be three spaces between the words to slow it. The program wouldn't let me do it for some reason.
Listening watching anticipating.

redbaronj

redbaronj

11 years 4 months ago

Workshop

When do you get together or how does it work? I would like to join but I work swing shift.

wesley snow

wesley snow

11 years 4 months ago

Okay, I hate poetry without punctuation.

However, here I think it is appropriate. This is excellent minimalist poetry. In fact I would have used line spaces to increase the slow tension. You could even use an ellipsis (...) here and there. They are technically used to replace words or phrases in a sentence that are not actually being written. There is much here between the words of the wolf and the lines of the wolf.
I like the poem very much.

redbaronj

redbaronj

11 years 4 months ago

Thanks

Thank you so much for the review! The poem is actually supposed to have three spaces between words to slow it down. The program wouldn't allow me to keep the spacing for some reason.
Listening watching anticipating

redbaronj

redbaronj

11 years 4 months ago

Spacing

The poem is supposed to have three spaces between words ie., ears cocked forward, listening watching anticipating, etc. However, the program wouldn't let me do it as I pasted it. When you read it, read it with spaces between words.