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Nov 19, 2024
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The Woman Within
How dare you condemn a mother
For taking time for herself?
How do you expect her to give her all,
With a shattered mental health?
So let her have her night out,
Let her care for herself too.
Support her instead of guilt her—
She's doing what she needs to do.
She's already feeling guilty,
For daring to put herself first.
So used to being everything for everyone,
You don’t see how much it hurts.
When she finally takes a moment
To breathe, to feel, to be free,
Her mind still lingers on her family—
But she needs this time. Let her be.
Let her be!
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Just some random thoughts along my journey. Havnt experienced this directly but I know of some mothers who do. And just thought I'd put how I felt into words
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem's theme of self-care and the societal pressures faced by mothers is clear and poignant. The use of direct address ("How dare you condemn a mother") effectively engages the reader and establishes a confrontational tone that underscores the poem's message.
However, the poem could benefit from a more varied use of language and poetic devices. The language used is fairly straightforward and does not make extensive use of figurative language, which could add depth and richness to the poem. For instance, metaphors, similes, or personification could be used to illustrate the mother's struggle and the relief she finds in her moments of self-care.
The poem's structure is consistent, with each stanza composed of four lines. This regularity contributes to the poem's overall coherence. However, the rhythm of the poem could be improved. The lines vary in length and syllable count, which can disrupt the flow of the poem when read aloud.
The poem's message is effectively communicated in the final line, "Let her be!" This line serves as a powerful conclusion that encapsulates the poem's call to action. However, the poem might benefit from further exploration of the mother's internal experiences and emotions, rather than focusing primarily on the external judgments she faces.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more show, less tell. Instead of stating the mother's feelings directly, the poem could use imagery and sensory details to convey these emotions indirectly. This could make the poem more engaging and emotionally resonant for the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
7 months 1 week ago
Applaud
all that you're writing. It's what every mother would like to say one moment or another, each of different degree maybe, but she should always get that support!
I wouldn't say let her free , but may be something like give her a hand, or be by her side.
Not sur, just a suggestion if you like to take.
Very much enjoyed.
Thank you for sharing.