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Seren
Seren
Nov 23, 2013 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

in the wonder

sitting and breathing,
I am again
in the wonder

there are fissures
in my night sky
I see a skerrick
of heaven

flaming stones
happen through
etching minutes
on small hours

starbursts course
onto the Milky Way,
snow in space and
angel dust in my eye

pieces of humanity
drift in the iris
overawed,
breathing stops

in the incredible
astonishment
of existence
and the favour
of life

I respire
once more

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

More from this author

Comments

Ian.T

Ian.T

11 years 7 months ago

Jayne

As usual a fascinating piece, the theme great and loved the picture it showed my eyes.
Take care young Lady and keep well,
Yours Ian.T and Friends xx

Seren

Seren

11 years 7 months ago

Ian

I am very happy you liked this one thanks for your very kind comment, but no suggestions ? smile let me know if you have any I am still working on this one

I hope you know I appreciate your time and your thoughts

love always JC xxx

swamp-witch

swamp-witch

11 years 6 months ago

Hello JC,

I loved this poem. There are so many fascinating word choices and the imagery is fantastic. If I had to chose one favorite line it would be "snow in space and angel dust in my eye", but there are so many lines that really deserve praise in this poem.

I would like to make two small suggestions if you don't mind. First, I think "the" on line three could be deleted. Second, I think "breathing stops" on the fifth stanza would be better as "breathing pauses", "breathing slows" or "breathing catches/stilts". For me, "stops" implies that it isn't going to start up again (particularly with breathing or heart beats), but I think there are plenty of alternatives that would fit.

Just like Ian said, I think the theme is great. Mindfulness, mediation, and the wonders of nature are things I find particularly enjoyable to explore.

Thanks!