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Mar 11, 2025
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Wonder what I am going to do now
I thought I knew what it might take,
To survive in a world so fake.
Chose my gear to allure and tease,
Thought my look couldn't fail to please.
Barely ate to fit that skinny dress,
Lived off caffeine I must confess.
Carbs banned from my daily living,
As they'd prove so unforgiving.
Forced myself to the gym as well,
Yet not totes under that fitness spell.
Every stretch brought forth a cry,
And did nothing to reduce my thighs.
Then pandemic madness hit like a stone,
Left me feeling so utterly alone.
Ruined my dream of fitting in,
Instead I started to hit that gin.
It all went drastically Pete Tong,
I was no longer determinedly strong.
Gorging on carbs I looked like a cow,
Now I wonder what am I to do now?
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem addresses relatable themes of societal pressure, body image, and the emotional toll of external expectations, especially during challenging times such as the pandemic. The rhyme scheme is consistent, creating a rhythmic flow that suits the poem's conversational tone. However, there are several areas where the poem could be strengthened:
1. **Imagery and Originality:**
The imagery used ("skinny dress," "carbs banned," "hit that gin") is quite familiar and frequently used in popular culture. Consider exploring fresher metaphors or more nuanced descriptions to convey the emotional and physical struggles more vividly.
2. **Tone Consistency:**
The poem shifts between humor ("Pete Tong," "looked like a cow") and more serious emotional undertones ("utterly alone"). While humor can effectively highlight serious issues, the current balance feels uneven. Clarifying the intended emotional tone—whether satirical, humorous, or deeply reflective—could help the reader better engage with the poem's message.
3. **Language and Word Choice:**
Phrases like "totes under that fitness spell" and "Pete Tong" are colloquial and informal, which might resonate with certain readers but could also limit the poem's broader appeal. Consider whether these colloquialisms serve the poem's purpose or distract from its deeper message.
4. **Ending and Resolution:**
The poem concludes with uncertainty ("Now I wonder what I am going to do now"), which is relatable but somewhat vague. Consider providing more depth or specificity to this uncertainty—perhaps hinting at a new realization, a shift in perspective, or a clearer emotional state—to leave the reader with a stronger impression.
Addressing these points could enhance the poem's emotional resonance and thematic clarity, making it more impactful for readers.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Clentin
3 months 1 week ago
I liked your poem very much.
I liked your poem very much. I always try to read all your poems. I really liked this one.
I did have to do a bit of research concerning "PeteTong. But well understand your overall thoughts!