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IRiz
IRiz
Aug 09, 2019 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Word

Through the hole in the curtain
I look at the sky.
Its colors are slowly blanching.
Naked branches are drawn
by a careless hand: black lines,
dimly gleaming tangle,
wet bark and new torrents
beneath a cloudy blanket
Russians would call туман [toomun].

My darling, I know the word
but will never pronounce it.
It wouldn't be right.
And only at night
hidden behind the curtain
from self and all my unraveling versions
I mouth the word,
I taste its short vowels
that cannot be heard.

I melt sparkling silence
that Russians call лёд [leart].
I talk about the colors
slowly soaked into a welcoming darkness,
the faraway towns, turrets,
resounding bells,
and where they call us,
about the life once chosen,
and journeys with no return.

I talk still tasting the word
I long to pronounce,
still rolling it on my tongue,
dissolving, unfolding
from sweet to forlorn.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

I get...

a very somber feeling from this one. I like the hesitancy in saying THE word. The poem sounds like a conversation practiced for an occasion, but not sure if it will ever be spoken. Just a couple of things I'd like to say. I don't think that you really need the line: "by careless hand of a child" [besides, I wouldn't describe a child's drawing as anything careless]. I would also change the word [talk] to speak in the line: "still tasting the word." Or maybe just delete the [ I talk still ] altogether. I think it would give it a bit more starkness. ~ Geezer.
.

IRiz

IRiz

5 years 10 months ago

Right on the spot.

Right on the spot.
Dear Geezer,
It is a treat to be read by you.
You did get the vibe precisely the way I intended.
Your help with selection of words is much appreciated.
I agree I missused the word "careless", I meant artless, naive, worryless. Something like that. How would you describe a hand of a child?

Geezer

Geezer

5 years 10 months ago

I would...

describe it as deliberate, careful, maybe [ artless, naïve ]. Nice job! Me a treat? Thank you very much! ~ Geezer.
.

lovedly

lovedly

5 years 10 months ago

лёд [leart].

лёд [leart].
did you mean heart???
and
also the hole in the atmosphere
known as the Ozone hole
to prevent slicing radiations
harmful ones of the otherwise radiant sun

about a child Gee has advised
all kids are innocent

lovedly

lovedly

5 years 10 months ago

ok

ok understood

Eumolpus

Eumolpus

5 years 10 months ago

This is so nice

love this

I talk about the colors
slowly soaked into a welcoming darkness,
the faraway towns, turrets,
resounding bells,
and where they call us,
about the life once chosen,
and journeys with no return.

nice everything. words. you have captured the innocence of our native tongues.

zebra

zebra

5 years 10 months ago

its the most taboo subject

its the most taboo subject and the most difficult thing to say , to write about , it is beyond dangerous to feel and nothing will brighten your life more or destroy faster

Love Z

T

tyro

5 years 10 months ago

Hi IRiz,

Hi IRiz,
I really enjoyed your poem. It made me think of the period when the great Russian poets often spoke of 'Mother Russia' and their love for her. I also picked up a heavy feel of nostalgia.

"from self and all her unraveling versions" should that be, all my...?

quillsveinback

quillsveinback

5 years 10 months ago

I always enjoy your poems;

I always enjoy your poems; you seem to me singularly honest, particularly about your individuated plight in life. So many people like to cover it in gloss and nonsense; there is none of this with your work, which I hope develops farther and farther.

IRiz

IRiz

5 years 10 months ago

Hm,

Hm,
Dear Q, (by the way I always want to call you QuickSilver),
As it takes a poet to read one, it takes an honest soul to like my simple lines. Thank you.