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Apr 10, 2026
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Working Man (language)
I will not go to work today
for sanity has gone astray
Yes, my home's the usa
I can't support its toxic way
Although I need the income, true
distaste replaced red white and blue
The House of Cards has come unglued
It seems we all are getting screwed
Like rubes before its crooked wealth
a loser's hand we all were dealt
I can't afford to risk my health
..donald trump can fuck himself
I won't support its deadly way
I'll be no slave to don today
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I thought this could be a sonnet, but I think it's short of syllables. I believe ten per line is the magic number?
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
Lavender
2 weeks ago
Working Man
Hello, Thomas,
Aah, the sonnet pulled me in. Through the years, you and I have exchanged regard for the sonnet. There was a time I was stuck on 10 syllables, but I neglected the iambic pentameter, which you taught me, and have done so well here. The traditional Shakespearean sonnet, (10 syllables, iambic pentameter, abab rhyme pattern) is a lovely challenge. But almost of all your lines have 8 syllables, which works well, too.
A couple lines fall one syllable short:
Yes, my home's the USA / Yes, my home is the usa (I think it still works meter-wise)
...donald trump can fuck himself. / Pretty sure you can think of a word to slide in there somewhere and still keep the iambic pentameter. I know I can think of a few... :)
You could also leave as is, and let it make its own rules.
As far as the poem, each day brings something more bizarre. I do not recognize my country, so I'm searching for the good in people and reminding myself that the enablers will be remembered in history.
Meanwhile, more protests, more writing to the Senate and Congress, and getting ready for that mid-term vote.
Thank you.
L
Geezer
2 weeks ago
I wish...
that I could go straight to my head and pull out those memory-cells that deal with rules and references
to all the different types and variations of... I guess I will have to look that stuff up to use and promptly forget as soon as I am done with it. LoL I remember Wesly saying that it didn't matter if I had to look it up every time, if I made a good poem at that time, that was what counted. You have some good rhyming here. Nicely done, ~ Geez.