Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Feb 05, 2020
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
The world through a hula hoop.
One must also say
time changes
every moment
and
that alone is what is known
as the only constant
what
time
no change
it's just a moment
to moment
a' la momentary
then virtual immemorial
glimpse
an imagination
was
is
will be
read
next moment casually
limps
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Eumolpus
5 years 5 months ago
nice poem
I might consider shifting the accents in the first line to-
One must also say
Hear it? As opposed to opening DAH DAH dah, you open iambic, Dah da. Fits with the pace of the rest of the stanza.
"no change"? meaning doesn't change? a bit Reggie like "no woman, no cry" I don;'t think that works.
à la, not ala, for french.
i like the last line falling off like a limp. I like the poem. Not the title so much. In these types of poems, you can give the poem a crazy Dali like title too, something just crazy and fun. "The world through a hula hoop." etc.
lovedly
5 years 5 months ago
Thank you Eumol
accepted your views thank you