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The Worst Day of My Life

The atmosphere is heavy.
The only sounds I can hear are sniffles
and your whispered name.

Looking into your black casket
is the worst sight I've ever seen.
One I'll never forget.

Get up.
Hug me.
Tell me you love me with all your heart...

If only it were still beating.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA - Georgia, USA

Favorite Poets: Lord Alfred Tennyson, Robert Frost, Allen Ginsberg, Walt Whitman , Misha Collins, John Donne

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

11 months 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively conveys a sense of grief and loss through vivid imagery and emotional language. The use of sensory details like the heavy atmosphere and the whispered name creates a somber mood. The repetition of the phrase "If only it were still beating" at the end adds a poignant touch to the piece. Consider exploring more varied poetic devices such as metaphors or symbolism to deepen the emotional impact and create a more nuanced portrayal of the theme. Additionally, paying attention to the flow and structure of the poem could enhance its overall effectiveness.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

RoseBlack

RoseBlack

11 months 2 weeks ago

Grief and Death

The overwhelming realization that our loved one isn't coming back and then having to face it head on at their services ..the desperation in wanting them to come back...wanting to turn back the hands of time. You can feel the anguish and the pain in your poem. Hope all is well and your book publishing is going well.

K

Kristen H.

11 months 2 weeks ago

Thank you

I hate those first moments where you don't believe it's real... you're waiting for them to come home, and they just... don't. That's the worst part.