Bird

Mar 05, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the contest:

03/25 New Member Contest 🏆 Winner

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Worth

You left one summer night:

A flash of light stripping
The world of color, birds
Of flight, Leaving only
Pip-pip-pips in the trees
Dark now, within the leaves;

‘I am here now, come— see!’
Hearts beating in their chests:
Silence falls within the nests
I trip and words flee from me;

The world is out of bounds!
You are no longer mine—
Rushing wings have no sound,
The foxes have dined.

I see the Sparrow now,
Visiting the feeder
Several times an hour:
Who would miss him, should he
One day—Fall from the sky ?

Only I.

Or the chipmunk, streaking
Onto every hidden nest
Even the squirrels are impressed,
He reappears; twitchy
Eyes, shifty ears, watching
To see if I see;

There is only me.

I am worth All that I lost,
When you left you took the Earth,
Blue eyes and bait, clicking
Closed the garden gate,
Even though it was so late,
Walking down to the river
To fish in the frozen lake:
Moonlight turned it to mirror
And I learned— too late—

We dream in circles
And the fish rise to meet us.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Death of a partner leaves half a person.

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Direction: How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: MA

Favorite Poets: The Ancients, Longfellow, Wordsworth, Frost, Dickinson, The French, Ronsard, Baudelaire, Mallarmé, Rimbaud, The Spanish, Neruda, de la Cruz

Comments

neopoet

4 months ago

Neopoet AI - version 2.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Worth" delves into themes of loss, solitude, and self-worth through vivid imagery and introspective reflections. The use of nature elements like birds, foxes, sparrows, and chipmunks creates a rich tapestry of emotions and symbolism throughout the poem. The repetition of "I am worth All that I lost" emphasizes a sense of reclaiming one's value and identity in the face of departure.

One aspect to consider is the structure and flow of the poem. While the imagery is evocative, some lines could be refined for smoother transitions and enhanced coherence. For instance, the shift from the sparrow visiting the feeder to the chipmunk streaking onto hidden nests feels slightly abrupt. Working on the seamless connection between these images could strengthen the overall narrative of the poem.

Additionally, the ending lines about dreaming in circles and the fish rising to meet us introduce a metaphorical layer that adds depth to the poem. However, ensuring that this metaphor is effectively integrated

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

4 months ago

Greetings Bird,

Welcome to Neopoet, it is very nice to meet you! I love this poem, this thought process! It is analytical in its demeanor while the feelings of loss are heartrending! Usually, when I comment, after reading a poem, I quote back my favorite lines. But in this case, I was highly taken by them all. So please forgive me for not doing that here. I greatly look forward to reading more of your work!

please post another one soon, Fondly, Cat

Bird

4 months ago

Candlewitch

Thank you so much for your comments. They really lifted my spirit,

Ruby Lord

4 months ago

Hi Bird, welcome to Neopoet.

Hi Bird, welcome to Neopoet.
Your poem is full of emotion and I thought the way you used nature and animals as a reflection of loss gave kudos to your poetic voice. As did the frozen lake in mirror form, excellent.
Well done, I hope to read more of your poetry in the future too. Ruby xx

Bird

4 months ago

Ruby

Hi Ruby,
Thank you so much for your feedback. Yes, poetry is a gift and it helps so much to have others reading it.

Geezer

4 months ago

As my two colleagues...

have discerned and greeted you on the stream, I can only echo their comments. Good job, I like what have read, and hope to read more in the near future. ~ Geezer.
.

Clentin

3 months 1 week ago

Your poem reflect great

Your poem reflect great emotion. I liked it very much! Welcome to Neopoet! Hope to see more poems. Keep up the good work.

Bird

3 months ago