lou

Dec 28, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Wrong

You think you are always fair
you think that you always care,
how could you be wrong ?

You're convinced, that you'r not the violent type
Always passive
don't believe the hype, you are wrong

Upstanding ,all the live long day,
the humanist one,
welcoming

You're sometimes aggressive, selfish,
Even moody.
You could even say stubborn.
face it you are human

About This Poem

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: West London, GBR

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda , Jack Kerouac, Alan Ginsberg, D.H Lawrence, Jim Morrison's lyrics,

Comments

the_fool

13 years 6 months ago

what are we all

if not hypocrites? really good bullshitters!
found the title a bit blunt as it over-shadowed the first S making it almost meaningless. the line 'Wrong!!!' felt blatant and out of place, like an out of place scream in the middle of well articulated point.
i definitely got this one, though. short and to the point. is it about anyone in particular?

nullus anxietas
the_fool

lou

13 years 6 months ago

i Think this needs

a total re-write

thanks lou

Kailashana2

13 years 6 months ago

A little more tightness in

A little more tightness in your poem would pack a powerful punch, so to speak. ;-)

lou

13 years 6 months ago

hi

thanks

lou

emogothgirl

13 years 6 months ago

i think a little more

i think a little more structure to the last line would make it a stronger ending. otherwise, great piece!

lou

13 years 6 months ago

thanks

lou

Candlewitch

13 years 6 months ago

Dear Lou,

Good on you for this rant. I take it someone you know is bugging the hell out of you? Someone close, I assume. Way to get it out!!! (is this person passive agressive, or actively so?) I hate the passive agressive ones... so hard for me to deal with. The "in your face, up front" ones are easier for me, lol! And I have more respect for them. I hate the veiked sneaky shit!
Suffice it to say, I enjoyed this poem. but I would have liked more (I'm greedy!)

always, Cat

lou

13 years 6 months ago

Cat

its a little confused needs sorting out

glad you liked it thuygh

lou