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Jan 29, 2025
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On The Wrong Train
The hours seemed to roll along with glee
My partner constantly hugging and kissing me
What a fantastic thrilling and exciting ride
With a fantastic lady right by my side
Wow! What a happy and wonderful day
Better than anything I could think to say
Rolling along hearing the clicking of the train track
I could feel the train suddenly stop and feel my head smack
I woke up and felt myself begin to scream
And finally realized that this was all a dream
The ride I thought I was on was in vain
And now know I was on the wrong train
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "On The Wrong Train" appears to be a narrative piece that takes the reader through a journey of joy, surprise, and realization. It employs a clear rhyme scheme and a consistent rhythm, which helps to engage the reader and maintain the flow of the narrative.
However, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary and the use of more vivid, descriptive language. For example, instead of "fantastic thrilling and exciting ride," the poet could explore more specific, sensory details that would make the experience feel more real and immersive for the reader.
The transition from the dream to reality is a key turning point in the poem, but it could be made more impactful with a stronger build-up. The sudden shift from the joyful ride to the realization of being on the wrong train could be more effectively conveyed through the use of foreshadowing or subtle hints earlier in the poem.
The ending of the poem is somewhat abrupt. The poet might consider expanding on the final realization, perhaps exploring the emotions or consequences of being on the wrong train. This could add depth to the poem and make the ending more satisfying for the reader.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more careful examination of its meter. While it generally maintains a consistent rhythm, there are a few lines that disrupt this rhythm, such as "Rolling along hearing the clicking of the train track." Adjusting these lines to fit the poem's meter could improve its overall flow and readability.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Tigger Kaz
4 months 3 weeks ago
Congratulations
Loved the twist at the end. It was all a dream