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judyanne
judyanne
Dec 15, 2012 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

for you

to write a song of flawless exultation
is provocation when confined to flesh
with bliss hid by illusion’s tribulation
within this world of manifest’s flat mesh

for all too soon it seems there’s separation
perfection now a thing to never be
a cut that causes cognizant castration
when light grows dim and fades despite all plea

I’ll say my knowing you was worth the pain
had years, when really just a single day
would be enough for anyone to gain
and catch the love of life that you’d portray

although your essence from my world has gone
the joy you placed within my heart lives on
.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Western Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Favourite poets? So many, so varied. I like particular songs, not necessarily the singer... and the same goes for poetry. I can honestly say though, that Alfred Noyes' The Highwayman was what inspired my love of poetry - my mother began reading it to me when I was still a baby, and it became my favourite bedtime story

More from this author

Comments

loved

loved

12 years 7 months ago

did you fucking well

take your medicine today
or is it a relapse .

guy I am more educated than all or most of you
put together
understand it before you once again use
the fuck word in relating to me

you have no business to do so
you are as fucking too ordinary..
for me to waste my breath ..
if not lesser than I

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 7 months ago

Let me put it more plainly.

You gave no useful constructive criticism and you used the phrase "if you wrote more Englishly". What the fuck is that? (and I know how you feel about that word)

That was one useless and frankly stupid comment.

No. I am not off my meds, but I wonder if your are.

And if you are in any way more educated than me you never, ever demonstrate it.

loved

loved

12 years 7 months ago

waste of time ......

.................................
you have to develop a sense of humour
over your elephantiasis EGO

GOOD BYE...............................

till you become normal
if again

yes we take medicines
as and when due
to feel saner

judyanne

judyanne

12 years 7 months ago

lol

you two are supposed to be critiquing my poem, not each other
now both of you come to the centre of the ring and shake hands
thank you xxxxx

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 7 months ago

My critique?

Often the same with yours. It has superb technique and style, but lacks the conveyance of passion and verve.

judyanne

judyanne

12 years 7 months ago

lol

what can i do to melt my cold cold heart?
xxxx

loved

loved

12 years 7 months ago

i want to have gentlemanly behaviour

hence I have stopped following
Jess and moonman
they only profess
not follow

abusing a fellow poet is not a norm
of NEOPOETS
I THINK

Sorry Judy for the crap started by him

when right fight
when wrong say
SORRY
in CAPS

weirdelf

weirdelf

12 years 7 months ago

Loved, scroll back

I said
"my sincere apologies
and I admit i started it. Sorry again"

Loved, in light of your recent comments excusing child abuse and other illiterate nonsense, I think it might be time for you to take a break from the site for a while. We all need to do it now and then.