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Jun 20, 2025
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You are my world Father
You are my world
Father
And in you world
I want to live
Forever Father
Also, it is amazing
How you have
Created your world
Before you created
Human beings
You have made the sky blue
With your holy hands
AIso, Father you have made
The birds with your holy hands
The last thing you made
After you made the human beings
Was the Ocean
During the Summer
The human beings spend there
Time
Swimming in there Ocean
All day long
Until the night arrives
The night arrives at 9:00 PM
The sun goes down
And we all see the sunset
Now the night is here
We left the ocean
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by AIdo Kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
This poem presents a devotional meditation on the figure of "Father" as a creator, blending elements of religious reverence with observations of the natural world. The structure is free verse, with short lines and frequent line breaks, which can create a sense of contemplation or childlike simplicity.
The poem’s central conceit—addressing "Father" as the creator of the world—invites interpretations ranging from a literal parent to a divine figure. However, the poem does not clarify this ambiguity, which could be developed further for greater emotional or thematic depth. The repetition of "Father" and "your world" establishes a tone of intimacy and awe, but the phrasing sometimes becomes redundant, which may dilute the impact.
There are several factual and logical inconsistencies in the narrative of creation: the poem claims the world was created before human beings, but then says the ocean was created after humans. This sequence may be intentional, but without further context or explanation, it risks confusing the reader. If the poem is aiming for a mythic or allegorical approach, clarifying the logic or embracing the surreal more deliberately could strengthen the effect.
The poem includes several instances of imprecise or incorrect word usage ("there" instead of "their"), which interrupts the flow and may distract the reader. Attention to grammar and word choice would improve clarity and polish.
The observational details—such as swimming in the ocean until sunset—ground the poem in sensory experience, but these moments remain general and could benefit from more specific imagery or emotional resonance. The transition from day to night is described in a straightforward manner, but the poem does not explore the emotional or symbolic implications of this shift.
Overall, the poem demonstrates a clear sense of devotion and wonder, but could be strengthened by clarifying its perspective, refining its language, and developing its imagery and logic.
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