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Nov 01, 2013
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You are so intimate.......inspired by....
You are so intimate.......inspired by you.
You are so intimate
that's what I thought
as I stepped forward
my chest seemed to be caught
in the lengthy nails
I imagined to be,
too true
yes that's true,
then side twists of my body
upon yours curvaceous
jerked me off
as you tried to too,
but sudden transformation of a reality,
to a dream that now say you,
made me go down the corridors
naked to scream
foul play upon my nerves
I did display,
how could you place
my thoughts in disarray
to calm me down to look like a fool
imagining in my dreams
Sweety twas really you!
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Seren
11 years 8 months ago
Loved
I really thought this piece shows some potential, I enjoyed the journey it needs a little work but I know how you like to keep your pieces as is, usually lol If you would like some crit I would be happy to provide some for you
nice to read you again
love JC xxx
loved
11 years 8 months ago
have you forgotten
all your edits on my works
are like cake icings
and all love it
thanks kindly do
a half baked poet I am ...
you know that too
born poet
no knowledge
wesley snow
11 years 8 months ago
I agree with Seren.
This was not entirely clear throughout. But I don't think it would take any effort to clarify.