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Jul 12, 2025
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In you eyes
In you eyes I see the tears Running down you face I am not upset with you When you are crying I understand that You have you sad and happy moments Also Are you sad because Winter is not over Yes I know that you don't like the winter I also must confess to you that I just hate the winter But I go out during the winter I put my winter clothes I wear also my long johns To keep my legs warm I also boots and my winter coat And I go for walk around the block At the sane time I am letting the fresh Air go into my lungs You don't go out in the winter The winter is very long We can't no longer wait for the spring To come Yes it is taking a long time for the Winter to end
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem explores the shared discomfort with winter and the emotional impact it has on both the speaker and the addressee. The piece attempts to convey empathy and solidarity, as well as a sense of endurance through a difficult season.
The poem’s structure is a single, unbroken block of text. This lack of stanza breaks or punctuation creates a stream-of-consciousness effect, but it also makes the poem harder to follow. Introducing line breaks, stanzas, or punctuation would help clarify shifts in thought and make the emotional progression more accessible.
There are several grammatical errors and word choices that impede clarity, such as “In you eyes” instead of “In your eyes,” and “you sad and happy moments” instead of “your sad and happy moments.” Consistent use of correct pronouns and possessives would improve readability.
The imagery is concrete when describing winter clothing and the act of walking outside, which grounds the poem in tangible experience. However, the emotional content remains general (“I am not upset with you,” “I understand that you have you sad and happy moments”), which limits the depth of connection. More specific details about the emotions or memories associated with winter could enrich the poem.
The repetition of ideas about disliking winter and waiting for spring reinforces the theme but could be condensed for impact. The poem would benefit from greater concision and focus, as well as from more vivid or original language to distinguish it from everyday conversation.
Overall, the poem communicates a relatable feeling of seasonal fatigue and empathy but would be strengthened by attention to structure, grammar, and specificity of imagery and emotion.
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