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Jul 01, 2025
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You loved me so much
You loved me so much
Also I am your son
That you had made me
In you own image
Many years ago
And placed me on earth
To live also with my brothers
We are already used
To live on earth
That is not a lie
Being sugar coated
We always tell you
The truth father
Be still
And wait for
The night to arrive
Because the day already ended
Very fast today
And soon the night
Will be here
And we will take a peek
At the sky at night
And we will see the
Stars and the moon
Shining on the water
Today it is a beautiful
Summer night
At 2:00 am
We will go to sleep
Tonight
You loved me so much
Also I am your son
That you had made me
In you own image
Many years ago
And placed me on earth to live
With my brothers
We are already used to live
On earth
About This Poem
Last Few Words: That is a new poem Written by Aldo kraas
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) [2025-04]
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet’s AI:
The poem explores themes of creation, familial connection, and the passage of time, using a voice that addresses a paternal figure—possibly divine, possibly literal. The repetition of lines, especially the opening and closing stanzas, creates a cyclical structure that mirrors the poem’s meditation on existence and routine.
The language is straightforward and unadorned, which lends a sense of sincerity but also results in some flatness. Phrases such as “That is not a lie / Being sugar coated” and “We are already used / To live on earth” are direct but could benefit from more evocative imagery or specificity to deepen the emotional resonance. The poem’s reliance on generalities (“my brothers,” “the truth father”) risks abstraction, making it harder for the reader to connect with the speaker’s experience.
The poem’s pacing is deliberate, marked by short lines and enjambment, which creates a contemplative tone. The transition from day to night is handled with a gentle sense of inevitability, and the mention of “2:00 am” grounds the poem in a specific moment, contrasting with the otherwise universal language.
There are some syntactical inconsistencies (“in you own image” should be “in your own image”) and awkward phrasings (“We are already used / To live on earth”) that disrupt the flow and could be revised for clarity and rhythm.
The poem’s strength lies in its attempt to grapple with existential questions through the lens of familial love and routine, but it would benefit from more concrete imagery, attention to line breaks, and careful revision of repetitive or awkward phrasing to fully realize its emotional potential.
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