Neopoet

Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

E
Entend2u
Feb 12, 2022 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
This poem is part of the contest:

the MY POEM contest 🏆 Winner

(Read More...)

YOU SMILE, I BLEED

You smile, I bleed.

The red rose cracks
As frost grips
Its long, sore, stem.

You laugh, I cry.
Your laughter echoes
In the dull, thudding silence
In the space
Between us and I melt.

So much is left unsaid.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Not actively editing

About the Author

Country/Region: England

More from this author

Comments

Geezer

Geezer

3 years 4 months ago

I think...

that one must look at the perfect understanding of this relationship. You know where this partnership is going, and there is not a word wasted! I like it. ~ Geezer.
.

E

Entend2u

3 years 4 months ago

Human emotion

Thanks Geezer
Trying to synthesise a human emotion in as few words as possible is a worthy exercise and cathartic.
Will

S

scribbler

3 years 4 months ago

hello

I am seldom able to put as much into as few words. The I start writing I tend to drone on and on until the readers likely fall asleep. You know, kinda like this comment lol

E

Entend2u

3 years 4 months ago

Thanks Scribbler

Thanks Scribbler
Try writing a poem where all the words are only one syllable. It will tame you.
Will
PS I accept that some of the above poem has words of more than one syllable.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

3 years 4 months ago

hello again

"you smile, I bleed" thoroughly got my attention. then, "you laugh, I cry" to be so at odds with someone you are in a relationship with! it sounds like the end of it. when your head and heart are so full that they go into overload and hit saturation! wow, alot comes to mind but refuses to be voiced.

*hugs, Cat

E

Entend2u

3 years 4 months ago

Hi Cat

Hi Cat
Don't encourage me too much else I'll post some real tearjerkers!

Will

E

Entend2u

3 years 3 months ago

Thank you Abby

You have reminded me of a song by a group called "Yes" - some of the lyrics

And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning
And you and I reach over the sun for the river
And you and I climb, clearer towards the movement
And you and I called over valleys of endless seas

You can get a Youtube video of them with this song

lovedly

lovedly

3 years 3 months ago

Just so beautiful

teach me to compose as do ye
tell me if I ever will come closer to thee
thy poetry.
EXCEPT a slice of advice -no
just a hint
why capitalize each first letter
THAT'S COMPY'S NEED NOT of poets
I feel
May see
Merci