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Mar 13, 2015
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Your Demise Became My Desire
You start fights without a cause
Cussed me, then act like the victim
If only I had a missile
Then your mouth would be its target.
Why attack when I'm feeling well?
Starting fights without a cause
Your demise became my desire
Holding back kegs of fiery words.
Your callous, disrespectful taunts
Unrepented, doubling down
To start fights without a cause
Makes me dizzy full of contempt.
If cobra size of a python
I'd wrap my tail around your neck
Spit venom in your eye till blind
Starting fights without a cause.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
lol Barb
Remind me not to get on the bad side of you
;)
I really like this - good rhythm
One thing - 'your mouth surely be its target' - I think needs a 'would' - 'your mouth would surely be its target'
love judy
xxx
Barbara Writes
10 years 4 months ago
Lol
I hate when I'm in a good place with the hubby, feeling well and he comes in with attitude out of no where. Glad you like it. i had fun imagining his poetic demise. Lol
Would would throw off the 8!syllable count. Any other suggestion?
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
oh duh me
forgot about the syllable count
What about
Then your mouth would be its target....?
xxx
judyanne
10 years 4 months ago
sorry
Doubled up - very annoying - I'm sure I only hit 'save' the once
xxx
wesley snow
10 years 4 months ago
Whether it meets criteria for the contest
it is a powerful and well structured poem. I certainly didn't like the subject matter, but the poetry is first rate.
Well done B.
Barbara Writes
10 years 4 months ago
Shanks Wes
Well structured, first rate. It's a joy to hear that from you sir. It wasn't written for the contest. I'm on a role writing Quatern. I've written about 10 since getting it mastered for the contest. I'm still writing. If I could just get meter that well. Lol would be a miracle.
Barbara Writes
10 years 4 months ago
Thanks Judyanne
I have added your suggestion. It works just fine.
Rula
10 years 4 months ago
Barbara
I didn't know you have those criminal thoughts until I read this. Now I should be careful with my comments on your poetry. :)