themoonman

Jun 30, 2014 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Your Move!

That high-dollar chess set
doesn't help your game,
the look-how-smart-I-am-comments,
to me, seem lame

but you can't see it,
to you, it's success,
that shit won't help
on a feel-my-words-test

so get it out, release it,
let it fester on the page,
let us see something more
than your juvenile rage

dig past that pocket degree
show us the dirty lint
take us on a journey
make us glad we went

Show me

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Carolina, United States, USA

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Robert Melliard

11 years ago

I find this clearer

than some of your other work. But I'm not sure who the poem is directed at (when you write "you" or "your"). It sounds like good advice to a young poet.
Best wishes,
Robert.

themoonman

11 years ago

Hi Robert,

Not directed at anyone in particular, just one of
those times the need to write took over.

thanks,
Richard

eightmenout

11 years ago

Richard

Loved where this one was going, but I can't say I like the abrupt ending. Understand it. Just don't like it.

Thanks,

Scott

themoonman

11 years ago

Hi Scott,

Glad you dropped in, it is on the arrogant side isn't it
(if that's what you meant)? If not, tell me.

good to see you,

Richard

eightmenout

11 years ago

I enjoyed the arrogance. But I also was enjoying the flow until the brakes were slammed on. I wanted the flow to continue. As I said, I understand the benefit of the closing, just didn't think it for with this piece.

Thanks

Scott

paleoray

11 years ago

Rest not! Life is sweeping by

Rest not! Life is sweeping by; go and dare before you die.
Something mighty and sublime, leave behind to conquer time.

weirdelf

10 years 10 months ago

Forgive my paranoia

I feel that this poem was written with me at least part in mind. Especially with the line "dig past that pocket degree".
If so, spot on. I need to write more.
If not, still a valid poem with excellent prosodic values.

themoonman

10 years 10 months ago

Jess,

No, you were not on my mind when writing this,
probably would never have posted if I thought you
would think that.

I started this poem years ago, just finally cleaned it
up enough to post.

alidzain

8 years 7 months ago

Hi Richard

I love this. It's like a challenge. Good one.

Alid

Candlewitch

8 years 7 months ago

hello Richard,

I agreed with every line...especially the last!!! I'm a "Show Me" kinda gal !!!

*hugs, Cat

Esker

8 years 7 months ago

operational "in country"

techs to geckos
pocket degrees
all about the angles
some know them
others just had to use
them..honing it through
the years
Intertia Velocity of times
trauma and boredom

we balance worth on substance
"I grew a trophy Rose from the makers school"
"ah....but I grew a field of sunflowers"
who is the larger and lesser
its perspective?
crowns of thorns
and Laurels of Ivy

Excellent work!
always admire the
grit of passion
in your straight up
writes Moonman!

thank U!

Mr Wolf!

gregwa8

7 years 2 months ago

I like the "call you out"

I like the "call you out" directness of this poem. I DO feel-your-words-test. I think sometimes in art and in life, arrogance is the best counter to arrogance. (Reading in other comments about how they thought it was arrogant.) "Dirty lint." Nice. The desire to see something real and raw. I enjoyed reading this poem.

weirdelf

7 years 2 months ago

One of my heroes,

Australian Prime Minister Gough Whitlam when accused of being arrogant replied "Of course I am, I've earned the right to be". Loved that!