Dalton

May 07, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Zipporah

I'm in love with that dark eyed
Midianite girl

I would sever all responsibilities
To temple and society

She says: Return to to your homeland
Your destiny - stay true to your God
And love me best

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Zipporah was the Midianite bride of Moses he discovered in his exile

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: The Celestial River

Favorite Poets: Shane MacGowan, Dylan Thomas, Qays ibn Al-Mulawwah, Wallada bint al-Mustakfi, Rumi, Khalil Gibran, Yona Wallach, Arthur Rimbaud, Paul Eluard, Brendan Behan, James Clarence Mangan, William Blake, Tom Waits, Charles Bukowski, Forough Farrokhzad, Thomas Chatterton

Comments

neopoet

1 month 2 weeks ago

Neopoet AI - version 2.0

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem delves into themes of love, duty, and conflicting desires. The imagery of the dark-eyed Midianite girl and the speaker's internal struggle between love and obligations is poignant. The contrast between the pull of personal desires and the call of duty is effectively portrayed. Consider exploring the emotions and motivations of the characters further to deepen the impact of the poem. Additionally, you may want to refine the structure to enhance the flow and coherence of the narrative.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

1 month 2 weeks ago

Zipporah

Hello, John,
Such confusion and conflict in the Exodus. Your poem gives a completely new side, an additional thought to consider. I'll reflect on this one a bit more...
Thank you!
L

Dalton

1 month 2 weeks ago

Desr Lavender

Thanks so much Lavender originally this poem was quite different though I'm compelled to write in brevity of late employing very simple language considering in this instance Moses and Zipporah as ordinary humans though with a very important destiny on which the framework of civilisation is based

Love John

Dalton

1 month 2 weeks ago

Dear Lavender

Maybe you could write a poem for Moses and Zipporah too

Lavender

1 month 2 weeks ago

Hello, John,

I'll think about that! :)
L

Dalton

1 month 2 weeks ago

Dear Lavender

Looking forward to further thoughts from you regards John

Lavender

1 month 2 weeks ago

Hello, John,

I love the idea of bringing possible human element and reaction into the story. It strengthens the poem and introduces deeper meaning.
L

Dalton

1 month 1 week ago

Hi Lavender

The human and the Divine and how we meet

Rula

1 month 2 weeks ago

Hello John

I'm not so familiar with this story. I am not sure I ever read it in the holy Qura'an , but I absolutely like your poem.
Thank you for sharing.

Dalton

1 month 2 weeks ago

Hi Rula

I like the complexity of a woman requesting her husband return to his destiny in his work for God and thus modern civilisation as we know it and to love her best (inso doing) even though they must be separated. Apparently Moses married more than once I like the idea of Moses remaining true to Zipporah and returning to her. I never understood how a prophet who saved his people leading the Exodus from Egypt could not enter the promised land after wandering the wilderness 40 years. For me this poem is about duty of an honourable woman and a love he would return too. Interpret scripture how you will