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"The Zombie King"

I sit upon my throne of corpses,
my crown made of splintered bone.
Dismembered bodies bow at my feet,
as I feast on the flesh of the living.
My castle overlooks the potters ground,
as I walk in gardens of stone.
My touch like winter, my skin, rotted.
My army-
maggots and worms.
My queen is disease,
her heart beats in my bony hand.
All are welcome to my forsaken land.
After your final breath, you shall see,
my kingdom is eternal,
my kingdom is death.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This one I had posted on Neopoet before the crash, I'm just curious if the response will be the same or not and possibly see if there are any improvements to be made.I made a change to the last line, please let me know if its better.

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Maryland, USA

Favorite Poets: I have many favorite poets but I like Poe the most.I would also feel wrong if I didn't include music to this also, for I find it to be of great inspiration.These are lyrics to a song by Monster Magnet called Ozium, it never fails to put me in the writing mood and thought I would share it, lol., " I'm up to my brain in the mire of an ancient swamp, Pteranadon smiles at me and flies up to god, Baby let me drink deep from your globes of reality, Writhe your naked ass to the mindless groove, baby give your tongue a taste and follow me up to my room, the bullgod has your head, and baby thats just fine, now it is time, we became the mighty cell, wrap those hungry jacks? to the mindless groove, they say we've got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, baby, the faster you gyrate the faster we'll be there, arms up overhead, a goddess in the ancient song, work that mighty world to the mindless groove, they say weve got a life time but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied, I will not be denied, they say weve got a lifetime, but we know that ain't true, I will not be denied I will not be denied"

More from this author

Comments

KINGZOMBIE

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

I agree

I have had a problem with the last line since Ive written it, but I am not so quick to change something unless I have something better.this is exactly the type of critique that I'm looking for, it has substance and is constructive.Thank you ...

KINGZOMBIE

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

I never thought of it

With black sabbath paling behind it, awesome thought, lol.I'm actually pretty happy with everything but the last line but I will keep your suggestions in mind.i'm glad you liked it and thank you once again:-)

Pixee

Pixee

14 years 4 months ago

Hello Kingzombie

An interesting poem. I have never read nor written anything close to this. I think you put a lot of yourself into this. It is a good read and I thank you for writing it. Keep up the great work.
Read you later.

Quote" Poetry is the living soul of the writer.
by Pixee

Cheers,

Pixee

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

14 years 4 months ago

Dear King Z.

My army-
maggots and worms.
My queen is disease,
her heart beats in my bony hand.
All are welcome to my forsaken land.
After your final breath, you shall see,
my kingdom is eternal,
my kingdom is death.

although I do like this piece, I also like the suggestions that Bee has made. This poem is dark and gritty... my cup of tea!

always, cat

KINGZOMBIE

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

Thank you Cat

Your opinion is means a lot to me, and I have to admit that I like mean bees suggestions too.I tend to be a tinkerer with my writing changing little things at a time.

K

Kailashana2

14 years 4 months ago

death is my eternal kingdom

death is my eternal kingdom
the living wait for my redemption...
dancing
on the boulevard d'Orleans.

how about that for the last line?

~A

p.s. welcome back!

KINGZOMBIE

KINGZOMBIE

14 years 4 months ago

You all amaze me

I wish that I had just a small portion of the talent of you all, it amazes me how different and excellent these ideas are from my rough original.Thank you all for your help and suggestions:-)