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Feb 13, 2018
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This poem is part of the workshop:
Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form
///
ice melts
fog rises
the pond is gone
frightened
wings swooshing
geese have landed
I am
still running
shores of my past
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
raj
7 years 4 months ago
Mow I understand that why in
Mow I understand that why in a comment to Stan you had humorously mentioned that at times you start from end to beginning which seems to be the case here because your stanza # 3 is very powerful and i believe the heart of this poem for which obviously you have preferred not to have any specific Title...
Regards...
PS I believe npo one other than me is using the "select if your comment is your official critique" option...
raj
7 years ago
I stand corrected...there is
I stand corrected...there is indeed a title which graphically shows "shores"...clever use of graphic
.................................................
weirdelf
7 years ago
Doctor Who
would be proud of you.
And yes, we are.
scribbler
7 years ago
OK
Critique has already been given so I'll just point to a typo :either geese have or goose has......stan
IRiz
7 years ago
thank you, very much!
thank you, very much!
corrected
lovedly
7 years ago
i'd rather be happy
reading more
like forty pages
not such melted rages
from a pen which has the solarly ink
which makes eyes blink
and
the likes of stan and lovedly
have to only think