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This poem is part of the workshop:

Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

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ice melts
fog rises
the pond is gone

frightened
wings swooshing
geese have landed

I am
still running
shores of my past

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Mow I understand that why in

Mow I understand that why in a comment to Stan you had humorously mentioned that at times you start from end to beginning which seems to be the case here because your stanza # 3 is very powerful and i believe the heart of this poem for which obviously you have preferred not to have any specific Title...

Regards...

PS I believe npo one other than me is using the "select if your comment is your official critique" option...

R

raj

7 years ago

I stand corrected...there is

I stand corrected...there is indeed a title which graphically shows "shores"...clever use of graphic
.................................................

S

scribbler

7 years ago

OK

Critique has already been given so I'll just point to a typo :either geese have or goose has......stan

lovedly

lovedly

7 years ago

i'd rather be happy

reading more
like forty pages
not such melted rages
from a pen which has the solarly ink
which makes eyes blink
and
the likes of stan and lovedly
have to only think