Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Enter LEA (Stage Left)

When you called, and you came to my

door, to my eyes, in my life, in my

world, I was pleased, I am pleased/

When you stayed, when you laid, in my

bed, next to me, in my arms, in my

heart, You were placed, You are placed/

When we stood, in the rain, by your

car, holding stares, touching lips, in my

stance, I stood proud, I stand proud/

When you wrote, and you spoke to my

pain, to my fear, in your words, in your

hold, I came to, I come to.



— georgeianxu, May 04, 2009

About the Author

Country/Region: USA

More from this author

Critiques

themoonman

themoonman

17 years 1 month ago

George...

I like the poem and the repetitive lines, they work well within this write... but to me, the ending was a bit flat... I was thinking, instead of "come" for the last repeat... maybe "enter" ... I enter, an am entered. maybe not... but "come" does place the image, just a thought, a suggestion... enjoyed the read... Richard
CN

Craig Norris

17 years ago

Yeah I like this

I like the structure, that is the internal structure, I do think that the way you've laid it out on the page could be done better. I think it could be way easier to read and feel if visually it was presented a little different, those phases spread between lines really deserve to have their own.The pacing with the use of commas is perhaps a bit overdone? Cheers Craig

Join Neopoet to leave a critique

Neopoet is a free community of poets who critique and support each other's writing.