Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

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Burning...

Fire
Happening
Internally

Water
Happily
Extinguishing

Breathless
Willingly
Co-operates

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

What a pleasant ambiguity!

Thank you for your wonderful contribution.
As a reader I think your poem is about Life as a happy cooperation of fire and water, that may symbolize the interaction of inspiration and calming reflection.
The steamy reaction of water to the challenge of fire, breathless willingness of sacrifice.
The more I think the more levels come out.
I need also mention a skillful use of alliteration happening and happily prepared my mind to hear panting of water fighting the fire.
About the name, first of all you may not need it at all.
Secondly, burning in a sense of life process is cool.
But you talking about cooperation about willing sacrifice about breathless rediness of water to be there. All this is not in the name. Would I call it Life? That way I narrow the meaning. Would I call it Struggle? I am loosing a willingness. Would I call it Balance? Maybe yin and yang?
You know better.

lovedly

7 years 4 months ago

Iriz I see the way your mind flies to eternity

the GOOGLERS
will have to rename you as
Googliriz

great analysis
fire there isn't so wild
to evaporate all water
nor is there so much water
which can quench the burning fire

thus we know that firemen
love water women
each out smarts the other
and ecstasy is subdued
so nothing much left to bother.
AHHHhhhh

Geezer

7 years 4 months ago

I did try to...

show the burning of the soul, in a thirst for knowledge. Life is what quenches the fire. Living life and where it takes you is the breathlessness of co-operation.

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

Great poem, my friend.

Seren

7 years 1 month ago

Dearest Gee

You never fail to surprise me here is another unlike any other. A small Gem of work here. I am so happy to be back and writing and reading again. Sigh, well done.

Love and higgliest bugs Sis xxx

Geezer

7 years ago

Thanks Sis...

I love it when I can help someone see what I had in mind when I wrote anything. I am especially happy about giving you a little insight to the things that pass through my mind. You never fail to amaze me with the things that you find interesting and special. Thank you for digging this one up. Love and higgest bugs. ~ Bro.