Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

This poem is part of the workshop:

Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

(Read More...)

hedgehogfriend

My friend
is trying
not to scratch me.

But still
his feet stomp,
metal thorns ring.

He can't
hear white noise
of my poems.

About This Poem

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Washington DC, USA

Favorite Poets: Matsuo Bashō, Sylvia Plath, Charles Bukowski, TS Eliot, William Carlos Williams, Joseph Brodsky, Boris Pasternak, DH Lawrence, Robert Frost

More from this author

Comments

R

raj

7 years 4 months ago

I liked the Title as well as

I liked the Title as well as the content of this poem...would "whistle" be a good replacement to "white"..I recon whistle is a monosyllable...just a thought...even white is good..

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

The replacement would change

The replacement would change the meaning
White noise means something that exist on the background like a rustle of leaves and sounds of rain or wind.

weirdelf

weirdelf

7 years 4 months ago

Sometimes

Sometimes
when treading
carefully on eggs

poor lone
echidna's
efforts are futile

perhaps
it's better
to show your nature.

IRiz

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

I agree.

I agree.
Thank you for a poetic reply!