Sunku 3

Just the kind of thing to bring out the darkside! ~ Gee.
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I'm not officially in the workshop, but I wanted to make sure I commented on at least one sunku poem of everyone who participated in the workshop.

Of course, I love the dark theme, the ominous open ending, and the possible reference to Pandora of mythological infamy!

If I could make a suggestion, with such a short form where every word must count for a lot, I'm not sure if the repetition of "box" on five out of the nine lines is the best use of the limited space. You've already told a story in this short space, but maybe a few of the box lines could be changed to get more details. For example, since we know it is a jeweled box because of line 2, maybe "pretty box" on line 5 is redundant. What about something like "hand twitches" or "fingers ache" on that line instead, to really emphasize the action of going for the key and to emphasize the struggle against temptation?

Then maybe a tweak to one other would work. What about "jeweled case/frame/rim" on the second line or "open lid/top/lock" on line 7? A synonym or part of a box could work in either of those places to break up the repetition a little.

Hope this helps! Enjoyed it.

Kelsey

https://vocaroo.com/i/s0BDK5FlcIgM