lonlyhrtsclub13

Feb 24, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

(Read More...)

Sunku 5

Devil
Beckons
With arms open

Come here
It's different
I swear

Let me
Hold you
One more time

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York, USA

Favorite Poets: Edgar Allan Poe, Jim Morrison, Rudyard Kipling, Hermann Hesse, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Jack London, Stephen King, there are many more....

Comments

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Carrie

You are seriously improving with every Sunku you post,,,A small change I would have made in First Stanza is eliminate "The" and "He" in lines 1 & 2

Devil
beckons
With arms open

........

lonlyhrtsclub13

7 years 4 months ago

change made

I like the changes. Flows nicer. Thank you.

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Carrie

my pleasure to suggest. Good to know you found them worthy.

Are you cooking a new Sunku?

......

lonlyhrtsclub13

7 years 4 months ago

a few new ones

But i can't post until tonight per neo guidelines.

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Carrie

Let me remind you that you can post your poems without restrictions when you select workshop option. So don't hold back..

lonlyhrtsclub13

7 years 4 months ago

it won't let me

Because my contest poem was right to the stream so I can't even get to the submit screen.

raj

7 years 4 months ago

I am not talking about Contest Poem where you have selected contest name...my comment was about poems submitted to a Workshop where the notification you see [when you select "submit a poem"] clearly states that you can do it if it's meant for a workshop. You can confirm this from Geezer and Wieirdelf or any member from technical panel of Neopoet.

Hope this helps..

Barbara Writes

7 years 4 months ago

Hey raj

I think if you post to stream without selecting a workshop first it won’t let you post anything until the 24 hour is up. As long as you select workshop In poem content it will let you post as often as you wish. I don’t think the contest functions that way. I don’t think it will let her in to post content before the 24 hours is up to select workshop. It may let her if there was a workshop content separate from poem content that post to the stream. Maybe some things to think about

raj

7 years 4 months ago

Thanks Barbara

for sharing your perspectives about the Rule Book. I guess there should be more clarity to avoid confusing perceptions. Anyways not being a premium member, I have to face these limitations...

IRiz

7 years 4 months ago

Great write about temptation.

Great write about temptation. Thank you for your poem. Looking good.

lonlyhrtsclub13

7 years 4 months ago

Trying to put

Real emotions into short form. Thank you for your positive comments.

Barbara Writes

7 years 4 months ago

Wonderful job

You inculcate haiku and senyru perfectly in this sunku which makes sunku the ultimate form of both styles similar to tanka. Tanka can be either haiku or senyru when a added couplet changes it from haiku to senyru with one or more key words.

Ie. A haiku
sunsets before dusk
twilight sparkles with twinkles
sunrise after dawn
Ie. A senyru
sunsets before dusk
awesome twilight with twinkles
sunrise after dawn

Ie. A haiku/tanka
sunsets before dusk
twilight sparkles with twinkles
sunrise after dawn
celestial skies popping
above awesomeness heaven (awesome and awesomeness makes it senyru)