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Geezer

Feb 25, 2018 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

This poem is part of the workshop:

Sunku: beyond rhyme and rhythm, search for new structures in short form

(Read More...)

Sunku Satisfied... [Sunku Workshop]

Slender
Green stalks wave
Bright heads bobbing

Showers
Cleansing me
Fence post hanger

Sky-light
Sparks of fire
The heavens call

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I called up memories of a summer rain on a farm for this one. An alone day with nothing to do.

Review Request Direction: How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - draft

About the Author

Region, Country: New York State - USA, USA

Favorite Poets: Poe, Emily Dickenson, Robert Frost, Shakespeare, and many of the poets here at Neopoet.

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More from this author

Comments

lonlyhrtsclub13

lonlyhrtsclub13

7 years 4 months ago

I like this

I got a few different vibes from this. Alien abduction, suicide....good form with an element of mystery.

7 years 4 months ago

Sheesh....

I guess my reputation proceeds me. Thank you. ~ Gee.
.

R

7 years 4 months ago

Hi Geezer

I too liked this. Farm is a good place to write from eh!

Regards...

7 years 4 months ago

Thanks raj...

Glad you liked it!
~ Geezer.
.

7 years 4 months ago

Brilliant

first stanza (imo).
But the whole piece reads great.
Thanks for sharing.

7 years 4 months ago

Hello, Geezer. Wonderful poem.

Slender
Green stalks wave
Bright heads bobbing

Great fresh words and enticing image here.
The freshness is enhanced by

Showers
Cleansing me
Fence post hanger

Then a sudden thunder or a motorcycle malfunction

Sky-light
Sparks of fire
First ride in spring

I love your poem except the heaven calls. Too many people write about those calls.
But if you write something simple about yourself, I wrote about a ride because for me spring is associated with three things green growth, rains and first rides.
One can imagine all kind of things happening on the first ride in season. It doesn't have to be dramatic but loud and smoking!
I am sure you would relate to this ending more.

7 years 4 months ago

The skylight...

stanza was intended to show the end of the day, when lying on my back in the loft of the cabin and looking through the skylight and seeing meteors [sparks] and Heaven calls being the urge to know what is out there. Geezer.
.

7 years 4 months ago

Ah! Thank you now I

Ah! Thank you now I understand.
I was too tired yersterday. Great poem.
It makes perfect sense. Why I discarded the literal meaning of the word skylight I don't know.
I was too tired. It takes a lot of energy to be a good reader.

7 years 4 months ago

I thought about your sunku,

I thought about your sunku, while I was reading this poem by Kobayashi Issa

beautiful -
through a hole in the paper door
the Milky Way

I hope you like it.

7 years 3 months ago

I am...

pleased that you thought of my Sunku while reading Kobayashi Issa; and yes, I do like it! thank you.
~ Geezer.
.

7 years 4 months ago

Fits the form and is very good.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s17tyvDnop7c