I closed this chapter, and I did.
“Yeh, fitoor mera by Arijit Singh playing in the background”.
When the sound hit its peak, I smiled.
You came to mind.
Ahava.
I looked to the ceiling, I reminisced about the moments of my silly desire. Wanting You.
So I began; ‘Dear God’.
Again I am crippled with this sensation,
A want, of a precious time called Ahava,
Ahava that is not mine.
I'm not asking you to make him mine, I don't think that's your will but my want banging loud adrift.
I pray he is okay,

Beyond these days in time and space,
when we have run our pilgrim race.
our soul, set free from mortal shell,
will rest a while, (devoutly dwell)

to pause for peace by sacred streams,
with breaking dawn's delightful dreams…
Until that Lord with flashing eyes
invades this planet’s sin-scarred skies…

to clothe us in immortal gowns,
with gold, replace our thorny crowns.
(Our bodies, buried out of sight,
He'll raise, in wonder's wingless flight.)

Someone sent a savior
just to comfort me

It wasn't God nor angels,
but it held a firm decree.

The measure of the blessing
was clear for all to see.

The effect of pharmaceuticals
reached my biology!

No longer would I suffer
with extreme anxiety!

Christmas Blues

A bucket of water has more purpose than I.
I live, I breathe, though with a heavy sigh.

What is it that I am doing here
On this great and godless sphere?

This grand fest of immortal pain,
Oh I, some poor soul's greatest bane

I might not wish to go and find Death's lair.
Seek him out high and low, here and there,

But, were he to call my name

As loudly and as boldly as his own,
I might scream back an answer

With a near zealous tone!
Were he to come for my head

I met myself walking the other day,
approaching along the opposite way.
When I saw the expression on my face,
I hurried away, picking up my pace.

I hadn't recognized the sullen eyes,
nor understood the heavy, empty sighs.
No flame remained of my once former self,
a burned out candle on a dusty shelf.

Somehow it seemed I'd all but forgotten
how life is fresh before it goes rotten.
The warmth in laughter before it grows cold,
recalling that friends were, one time, like gold.

Oh, look! My kite is flying high
A flag of freedom in the sky
A brave explorer sailing where
No other soul would dare to fare

I wonder, can it see me here
from heights of virgin stratosphere
I think perhaps I look so small
I'm barely visible at all

upon the sea, a dot of white
a fleck of paint to a flying kite

Oh, soaring kite, I hold your will
I'm happy, yet, I'm saddened, still
That I should keep you tethered so
I wonder should I let you go

On the road
I travel alone
In a far distance
through out
life journey
up and down
crossing the path
I take life experience
to carry myself back
up to walk again
on a steady pace
to leave a memory
of the footprint
on this planet
a reflection of time
to learn that there
is every emotional ride
to different locations
comes with lessons
of an on going to
search for reasons
to reach the destination

Two new puppies

One is Jewel,
The other is called Love.

I hold them,
Smell their newness.

And life, begins anew
Just from holding them

Do you know about coal mine canaries?
They used to take caged birds down into the coal mines,
And when they would die the workers would know to leave too.

Let me be a canary in your chest.
Let me live inside your rib cage,
Feel your heart beat for me,
Watch your blood flow through your veins.

Keep me safe next to your heart
And I’ll keep you safe from all that’s bad.

Use me as your compass,
I’ll tell you to run when things get hard.

My boots exit the soft leafy duff
and clomp on a tar and gravel road.
The stars are out, I've had enough
of carrying my lonely load.

I unsling rifle from my shoulder
then place it in its well worn case
exhale a breath that's turning colder.
Of mid day warmth there is no trace.

I stiffly get into my truck
no need to punish achy knees
already stiff from slippery muck
which a while ago began to freeze.